An Open Hand

I’ve been going through some losses since the end of last year, causing me to withdraw, to clam up inside, to hide into the depths of my mind, so I don’t go too numb or internally blind. I’ve been decluttering my mind, my home, at times, leaving me chocked to the bone, utterly alone, with nowhere to go. In the same token, I had the courage to reach out to my home church, because I know I am worthy of that special touch, since for so long, I didn’t matter much. I did not want to take the wrong path, yet needing to unleash pent up wrath. I am done with all of that.

I realize each moment now is a new start, a time to stand straight & tall, considering I’ve cried oceans of tears, been through it all. I, climbing out of the emotional rubbles, staying out of trouble without losing it all. I lost, I have gained. I am here now again. I hold no grudges, wiping away past smudges, recycling the tears I have cried, turning them into concentrated sips of wisdom. I, looking the ugly in the face, letting go of competition, winning my race, going at my own pace. I knowing, I will be on the other side one day. Yes, at times, I do come out the other side, that is a triumph I cannot hide! I am winning by just showing up, that is enough! I am a cookie that does not crumble, I am internally tough, though I have edges that are rough, again, this is enough!

I see open hearts, open hands in this very moment, for example, around this special table of writers because we are able to write, to climb to the top in our own ways, here to stay, we are OK!

I’ve been grateful in this past while to reach out for support online, not losing my mind. I am in one piece, the sun inside of me. Open hands all around, people lending a hand, an ear, not judging what they hear me shout and say. My voice is mine forever with me today. I value the power of voice – my inner voice, the breath of choice. I drowning out the noise, not to avoid, but to fill in the voids. The dominoes in place. I feeling I am trusting again, safe, walking straight, even with a tear or two in my eye. I am here to write, to ask why, to dive in, to fly, to receive an open hand. I standing tall again with no regrets, only learning, it’s okay to be yearning. I embrace these open hands I have received. It’s refreshing to be here, unafraid to breathe, oh the relief. I am wrapped in these hands of love. I drenched in the quenches of possibility of what I will write next. I take in all writing offers me and its magical moments caressing me, offering me security that only brings out the best in me. I quenched & bathed in deep delight. When I write, I am doing what’s right. Here I am again, taking in the light, giving a light to others, so they too, can shine bright.

 

Christina Walsh